


Fun on a Flane

by snapealina



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-02-02
Updated: 2015-02-02
Packaged: 2018-03-10 06:09:02
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,428
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3279647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snapealina/pseuds/snapealina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Remus and Severus are going on a Muggle holiday. Beware of silliness!</p>
            </blockquote>





	Fun on a Flane

\- Absolutely not!

\- But, Severus…

\- I said no!

\- But I really want to do this!

\- Why?

\- Because I think it would be fun!

\- Fun?

\- Yes, Severus, fun! You know, like ha ha ha ha haaaa. It’s when you get that great feeling inside you and you walk around smiling and feel really good.

\- I don’t do fun.

\- No kidding…

\- Why can’t we have “fun” right here?

\- Severus, come on. Don’t be such a bore!

\- You knew what you got into when you chose me. I don’t do things like that.

\- Obviously…

\-----------------------------------

\- Severus?

\- Yes.

\- Pleeeeeeease!!!

\- Goodnight, wolf!

\-----------------------------------

\- Morning.

\- …

\- What, no smile?

\- …

\- No coffee?

\- I don’t _do_ coffee anymore.

\- Oh, so you’re talking to me now.

\- …

\- Why is this so important to you, Remus?

\- I’ve never been on a proper summer holiday before.

\- Neither have I, but you don’t hear me going on about it.

\- I know, but you’re… you!

\- And what’s _that_ suppose to mean?

\- Hello, I’m Severus Snape. I like my life boring, without any action or enjoyment.

\- I’ve had enough action in my life, and I didn’t exactly hear you complain about lack of action or enjoyment two days ago, Wolfie…

\- You know what I mean!

\-------------

\- Fine, but I’m not doing it the Muggle way!

\- But that’s the whole point, Severus!

\- I thought the point was to go somewhere else.

\- Yes, but I’ve never really travelled before.

\- There’s a reason us wizards have the Floo, apparition and the Portkeys. It’s to not having to spend hours travelling.

\- But where’s the fun in that? I’ve never been inside a flane before.

\- It’s called a plane.

\- I’ve never been in one of those either.

\- Merlin.

\- Think about it, Severus. To sit in a big Muggle-made machine, flying high above everyone and everything. Like a bird.

\- I don’t like birds. Birds are for post. Not travelling.

\- We’re not travelling by bird. We’re travelling by flane.

\- Plane.

\- Yes, whatever. Flying high… up in the sky.

\- Well, whoopee!

\- What?

\- I don’t like heights.

\- Well, who would’ve thought? Severus Snape scared of heights.

\- I’m not scared. I just don’t like it much. I like staying on the ground.

\- But I’ll be there looking after you, my dear.

\- Well, you better be. I’m not going alone.

\- Are you… are you saying that we’re going?

\- Yes, fine. But we’re travelling by magic to the airport. I don’t do busses and trains as well!

\- Ok, honey! Oh… that made me so happy. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Severus!

\- Calm down, Remus.

\-------------

\- How do you always manage to get exactly what you want?

\- A wolf never tells, Severus…

\- Yes, you’re a real Mr. Mystery, Remus…

\----------------

\- I’m _not_ wearing this!

\- Why not?

\- I look ridiculous!

\- You do not!

\- I feel cold!

\- Well, you look hot!

\- Haha, funny. Why can’t I wear my normal clothes?

\- Because _that_ would look ridiculous.

\- Why?

\- We’re going on a Muggle holiday, Severus. Muggle don’t use black buttoned-up robes, remember.

\- They should… Couldn’t you at least have found something less… colourful?

\- It’s normal to use some colours, Severus. Especially on holiday. Besides, where we’re going you would burn up if you wore our usual outfit.

\- Where _are_ we going exactly?

\- Hawaii!

\- Hawaii?

\- Yes, Hawaii! We both could do with some sun. You should definitely work on your tan Severus. You’re almost as pale as a ghost.

\- Tan? Me? You _must_ be crazy!

\- Yes, but that’s why you love me…

\----------------------

\- Merlin. What have you packed it here? These things weigh a ton!

\- Just the bare necessities.

\- Bare necessities?

\- Yes, you were the one who insisted on bringing all those books. 

\- I like to read.

\- I know, Severus. But they have books on Hawaii too, you know…

\- Whatever. Wingardium Levi….

\- NO STOP!

\- What?

\- We can’t use magic.

\- Why not?

\- This is a Muggle holiday, remember…

\- Are you serious?

\- Of course. Muggles don’t use magic to carry their luggage.

\- You have got to be joking.

\- No, I’m not. I’ve already let you get away by using the Floo to get to the airport, but I draw the line here.

\- But no one will see us.

\- It doesn’t matter. I’ll know that we cheated. Now come on, honey. Carry those bags, you big strong hunk of mine.

\- Er… what about you?

\- Me?

\- Yes, aren’t you going to carry one?

\- But Severus, baby. You know it was a full moon yesterday. I don’t have the strength to carry anything.

\- Of course not… so convenient… It’s always that time of the month…

\- What did you say, darling?

\- Nothing…

\----------------------

\- See, Severus, this isn’t so bad.

\- That’s easy for you to say. My back hurts!

\- But look at these comfortable seats? They even have little tables.

\- It’s too crowded. And the man next to me smells like a compost heap.

\- Oh, that’s the charm of travelling, Severus.

\- Easy for you to say, you’re not sitting in the middle seat.

\- Now, look. Here’s a waitress.

\- I think it’s called a stewardess, Remus.

\- How do you know all these things, Severus? I thought you had never been on a flane before.

\- Plane. And I haven’t. Remember the books?

\- Oh, now the stuart-lady is doing a little dance. Look Severus. Why is she doing that?

\- Shut up and listen, Lupin!

\----------------------

\- I thought you said this was going to be perfectly safe, Lupin.

\- It is, Severus.

\- Then why is she explaining how to jump out of the plane? And this yellow vest isn’t going to do much good in mid-air. Stupid Muggles.

\- Take it easy, Severus. It’s just a precaution. And besides, we have our wands if anything should happen.

\- Now, that’s comforting…

\- Oh, it’s moving, Severus. It’s moving. Isn’t this exciting?

\- Shut up, Lupin.

\----------------------

\- Lupin? Remus? Hello? Are you OK?

\- I….I…. They didn’t tell me about the shaking… 

\- It’s perfectly normal.

\- No, Severus. We’re going to die!!!

\- No, we are not, Remus.

\- How do you know? You’ve never been on a plane before.

\- Wow, you actually got it right.

\- What?

\- Nevermind. It’s going to be all right, Remus. Just calm down.

\- I can’t. This is not fun! I want to go home.

\- Well we’re stuck here now.

\- What?

\- We can’t leave a plane in the middle of take-off.

\- Why not?

\- We just can’t. Now calm down.

\- Hold my hand, Severus.

\- Exuse me?

\- HOLD MY HAND!

\- Ok, ok, ok.

\--------------------

\- Now, isn’t this fun, Severus?

\- It’s a blast…

\- That stuart-lady was really nice to bring us those drinks, wasn’t she, Severus?

\- Yes, if only I’ve had the chance to drink mine…

\- Sorry about that, I was thirsty.

\- So was I…

\- And these nuts are delicious. Want one?

\- No thanks, knock yourself out.

\-----------------

\- Severus? Are you awake?

\- I am now…

\- Severus, have you ever heard of the Mile-High club?

\- The what?

\- The Mile-High club. It’s a Muggle flane club.

\- Plane.

\- What? 

\- Muggle PLANE club.

\- Oh, so you have heard of it.

\- Lupin, seriously…

\- Well, do you want to?

\- Want to what?

\- Become a member of the Mile-High club.

\- How does one become that?

\- Follow me to the bathroom, and I’ll show you.

\- Lupin, you’re drunk.

\- Yes, sir I am! So are you coming?

\- Why in Merlin’s name would I go to the bathroom with you, Remus?

\- It’s fun!

\- Stop it with the “fun” part already, wolf. How could sticking two men into a tiny bathroom on a plane be any… Oh…

\- Follow me, Severus.

\------------------------

\- I’ll admit, Remus. This was fun!

\- I told you, Severus.

\- My arse is going to hurt for days, though.

\- I bet it would…

\- From the tap, Remus. The tap!

\- Did you hear that?

\- What?

\- Someone knocked.

\- Quickly, get dressed!

\- Where’s my shirt?

\- I have no idea.

\- Eeeewww.. It’s in the toilet.

\- Disgusting.

\- Oh, snap. Someone’s opening the door.

\----------------------

\- I can’t believe that stuart-lady refuses us to fly with this airline again. What did we do?

\- Are you serious, Lupin?

\- What? We only did what the Muggles do on these flanes.

\- Planes, Remus. It’s called PLANES!!!!

\- No need to get so angry, Severus.

\- Merlin, you are impossible.

\- I know, I can do a Memory Modifying charm on everyone on this plane, so that they forget everything they saw.

\- And how are you going to explain that you’re sitting here without a shirt?

\- Think positive, Severus. Positive!

\- Whatever, wolf. But I don’t think that magic is going to work in this place.

\- Why not?

\- First of all, you’re to drunk to manage the simplest spell without disaster. And a plane is so isolated and levitated so high, that the magic probably won’t work up here.

\- Nonsense, Severus. OK EVERYBODY, LOOK AT ME AND LISTEN CAREFULLY. OBLIVIATE! …

\-----------------

\- Oh, snap!

\- That’s it! We’re taking the Floo home!

**Author's Note:**

> I got this idea while on a plane, wrote it on a train, posted it from a hotel the night before the world premiere of Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince in London in July 2009. That was a crazy 24 hours!
> 
> Disclaimer: I sadly don’t own these characters. They belong to JKR. If they were mine, I would be in the middle seat!  
> One line is also from the movie SpiceWorld – the movie. Ten points to your house if you can find it :-)


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